I had a birthday last week.  I am now 23 years old.  Technically, I now have a ‘career’ (which is still a foreign concept to the parts of me that will perpetually feel like a university student) that is progressing quite rapidly.  I am in love with a man who loves me and looks after me.  He offers support and encouragement.

The season has started to shift into winter here, and each night when I get home from work, he has the fire going so that we are warm.  He pulls the covers back when it is time for bed.  He tucks me in if I go ahead of him, and he makes me laugh.

My life is unfolding in such a lovely manner.

I almost always feel ‘little’ in relation to him - tucked into him.  Sometimes, I respond poorly to direction or confrontation, and I can become pushy or angsty in response.  Testing limits, probably pushing for a reaction.  It never comes; I never know if there is a lesson I am meant to learn, or if I’ve stopped the game before it started.

He takes steps towards me, towards being Daddy, but then moves away.  I feel like most things are going so well.  But that is missing.  It’s like the gears never really get in motion.

So, I wait.  Relying on what is naturally present to meet my minimum, but always hoping that more will be around the bend.

Fingers crossed.

-petit poisson à lui

(Source: cummy-cum)

(Source: http)

As I was walking to have lunch the other day, I started plotting the logistics of an abduction fantasy only to realize that it would be a very complicated process to stage an authentic abduction without attracting the attention of pedestrians who would surely report something like that.

I asked myself what any of my coworkers would think if they could read thought bubbles and saw that one above my head.

As a child, to make myself fall asleep, I would pretend that I was kidnapped and made to do things.  I would alternate between that storyline and one in which I was touched while I was sleeping.  Those concepts are still simultaneously comforting and exciting to me.

Last night I used my mouth to make him come at his request.

It seems as if it is an uphill battle.  I know what I want; I know how I want things to be.  But it is not my place to implement those changes.  So I wait for him to move towards me again.

I have found myself looking for alternative methods of feeling submissive with the lack of his push.  I write it into the empty spaces of my interactions.  I crave the give of myself, of my mind, of my body.

Our relationship has been turbulent, and it almost didn’t make it.  I know why his attention to D/s was diminished, but I also have felt that it has contributed to so many of the problems.

I just want him to be Daddy again.

-Little Girl Waiting

I have a mild adoration of houndstooth.  I own one skirt, one pair of shoes, one handbag, one headband, one cardigan, and one umbrella in the houndstooth pattern.  Oh, and my passport cover is also in houndstooth.  As are my luggage tags.  Mild adoration?

I sometimes feel like I’m just filled to the brim with want.

I want a kitten.

I want a job.

I want a cute, smart girl to occupy some of my hours.

I want a car.

I want eggs for baking.

I want some candy.

I want dollars.

I want to be so busy I have to organize my time.

want want want.

I want to be able to be in my relationship completely without fear or hesitation.

I want to get back to some earlier form of what we had.

I want to trust, to love, to give, to feel appreciated, to appreciate, and to want.

Wanting all of that, and still wanting to want. 

Some girls will never be satisfied.

I hope I’m not one of them.

(Source: itsgirlgerm)